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How dramatic was that last blog? I can't even find the words to try and explain, so I won't.

Yesterday was the class trip to the Bronx Zoo, where I was reminded of the phrase "two is company, three is a crowd." Basically, I'd say, this manages to define my life. Though, I shouldn't be surprised at all about this - because I set myself up for this. I cannot stand the closeness required to have one, definitive best friend. Knowing someone out there could know practically everything I'm thinking, wanting, feeling due to our closeness is frightening. I like the presence of others, but just can't comprehend that closeness as a constant or anything. But anyway, even though I know how I operate and how I couldn't psychically handle having one best friend, I still kind of long for that at the same time.. if that makes any sense? But, I guess, everyone wants what they can't have.

Currently I'm listening to "Empty Space" by Air Traffic, on constant loop. It sums up how I feel presently, lyrically and on the level of sound as well. I love when there's something that you could just listen to again and again for days on end, I usually end up ruining things for myself doing that - but there are somethings so definite they cannot be tainted. Such as the entirety of Ok Computer. I listened to that CD on loop four times on the four hour bus ride home yesterday with volume on max. That's the only way I feel like I can be.. close to the music, if it's pounding in my head and just kind of overwhelming my being. It makes me stop thinking almost, and I love it. I think way too much, and to just kind of switch that off is too perfect.

I should be in school right now, English to be exact. But I've been so exhausted lately, and convinced my parents to let me stay home. I slept for a solid thirteen and a half hours, which was really wonderful. Now I've just kind of been in a floaty, barely present existence. Mentally I'm elsewhere, just physically going through the daily motions.. however, following with those typical motions is the need for lunch.

Until next time..