Thursday, July 9, 2009

So I'm kind of in a state of panic at the moment. Something is making noises in my room.. and since I can't attribute this oddity to any known cause, I've logically concluded that there are mice climbing through my walls. And since I've convinced myself of this, I've also decided I should not walk on the floor because if I do rodents will attack me. Yeah.. trust me - hallucinogenic drugs, never again.. (definitely a joke..)

And before I try and re-create the amazing day I had yesterday could I just express how amazing WebMD is? I don't need to pay a doctor.. I can be my own doctor, suckaaaah. No, but seriously, whenever I feel like shit I always end up there - diagnosing myself with every known malady, regardless of how ridiculous it might be. Presently, I've just decided I have tonsil stones. But anyway, what I think I like about it so much is the fact that when you're sick, you're truly the only one who knows what your feeling. And WebMD is one of the few ways you can actually discover the reason as to why you, and you alone, are feeling a certain way. I feel like an advertisement, but I don't know.. it's just comforting, sometimes, when something out there can answer the questions about yourself that you alone could not.

This entire day could be summarized with nothingness. The only significant thing I've been doing is fuming over the last.fm comment I received: "a little rocker! great! high compatibility (:"
This message came from a notably sketchy guy from Chile. This could easily be interpreted as a nice thing, but being the analytical, narrow-minded individual that I am, this has been bugging me. "A little rocker" how cutesy. I feel like he would've been pinching my cheeks and speaking in a baby voice if he had approached me and said this in real life.

The most notable things that happened to me lately happened yesterday. Emily came over and we stayed up to the early hours talking. I loved talking, and after I brought up so many of the things that have been bugging me lately I felt more at peace.. more resolved then I have in such a long time. While venting about useless, mindless things I kind of realized what a complete teenager I still am. I build up all these problems, all these issues, in my head and yet am incapable of doing anything about them. It's not that I'm helpless to do anything in regards to them, it's just that I act that way because I'm so convinced of my own thoughts and beliefs I refuse to see any other way. Talking helped me realize this complete childish sense of stubbornness.. but saying that makes it almost sound like a negative thing.. it really wasn't though, I loved every second we were talking.

When we woke up, we biked out to the center of town to gorge ourselves on food. Our journey, however, brought about the realization of how completely out of shape I am, as my legs were jelly by the time we entered the pizza place. Not that I didn't know this already, but it further confirmed my beliefs. However, these jelly legs of my mine may or may not have earned the rights to some construction worker's phone numbers. Yeah, man. I'm pretty sure that was a joke on the part of the pizza guy, but convincing myself of receiving attention like that is just too tempting. While we were there, we texted Joey and ended up having him eat the rest of our food before the three of us headed off to the center of town. You could tell the storm was coming and I wasn't really sure what we were planning to do. Actually, I don't think any of us were planning much of anything in regards to the impending weather - we were all just living in the moment. As the rain began to worsen and it began to thunder, we all decided then was the best time to race down to Joey's house.

It was a thrill. At first we were just sprinting through the grass, but the second Em and I reached our bikes the rain worsened and we all began to make our way down the sidewalk towards what I guess could be considered safety. It was brilliant. The faster I peddaled, the harder the rain struck me, and I don't even necessarily remember what I was thinking or what I was saying. In fact, I don't think I was actually thinking much of anything. I was just living in the world around me, I felt the rain, felt the wind, felt the cold overwhelming my body. I felt the pedals underneath my feet, even felt the smile on my face.. but I wasn't actually thinking anything. I wasn't worried, I wasn't stressed, I was nothing - yet at the same time I was everything.

We stopped at Joey's house only temporarily, and then once again Em and I set off into the rain. The journey back home was mostly downhill and was basically effortless. Once again, I was feeling the warm air hit my cold skin, watching the mud kick up and soak my legs, feeling myself swerve back and forth as I screamed and laughed and rode my bike with no handlebars, no handlebars.. I wasn't thinking I was just being. The entire ride home was like that, the two of us, just existing within an emotion, within a world that wasn't all there. Even as cars drove past, soaking us further, they meant nothing - they were nothing. I was a complete mess and yet I didn't care.. how could I of?

We stopped at the pond midway between our houses and debated skinny dipping in broad daylight just to further live in, and further extend this beyond perfect moment. Because all of it was truly timeless, it was wholly wonderful, it was.. free.

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