I'm going to take a break from blogging until I can start being coherent again.

I love how Creep has been the general population's defining song for Radiohead, when in reality it's easily forgettable amongst all their other songs. Creep could've been from any band in the early ninetines- given the generation of rockish borderline grungy material coming to a slow close. I'm not saying it's not a good song, I'm just saying it really shouldn't be the defining song for people who don't especially know the band. Why is this important and blogworthy? Dunno.. I was just thinking about it today, and it's been bothering me.

If you happened to look to right of the page and then southwards, you will have noticed that my collection of links to websites that can be personalized to pertain only to myself (as if that were all that mattered) has grown. Tumblr is confusing although exciting. It's kind of a combination of flickr-twitter-blogger-facebook, which could possibly explain why the word is such a mess. Anyway, people just post random pictures/quotes/readings they've found on the internet that they enjoy, and then if people like similar things they can follow them and be exposed to more nice things. I've wasted a fair majority of the day on there (and flickr), and I can barely consider it time wasted, when in reality it is since nerd-fest (aka my dad's business camp he signed me up unwillingly) begins Monday. 9AM-4PM, Monday to Thursday this week, I will be wallowing in self-pity - which believe it or not, is a moderate change from the norm - as usually I don't wallow.. just float.

Oh! I just read this fml and it actually made me smirk in reality, I thought I had completely given up on these: Today, I received a "diamond ring" in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years. Along with the ring came a message. It read, "Will you marry me?" He was serious. FML... and in addition to being mildly amused by this Cher just came up on iTunes shuffle (Believe of course, kids!)

On a related note to that FML, that sort of reminds me of what I saw on the MTV show Sixteen & Pregnant. This twenty something year old guy knocked up his sixteen- or seventeen-year-old girlfriend, and then went to Wal-Mart to buy her an engagement ring. Upon purchasing a $21 ring, he then preceded to ask about Wal-Mart's return policy. The show is kind of trashy, out of the six or seven teenage girls that got pregnant, only one of them even considered adoption and did - in fact - give her child to an adult couple. That was the best one, like considering-crying worthy. Basically there were these two kids who were more adult than their own jail-bird, drug-addicted parents were (these parents actually encouraged them to KEEP the baby) and were set upon providing their daughter with the best life possible. It was really.. nice, especially compared to all the other IQ-less parents the show presented. If your ever stuck with a television where Hannah Montana, Judge Judy, CSPAN, and this show are the only options.. try it, it's - er - interesting.

Oh - wow! My "tumblarity" on tumblr just cranked up to a 3. That makes me the 29,065th most popular person in the U.S. on Tumblr.. not even kidding. Things are looking good.

But yeah.. I have a flickr too! A lot of the pictures are really old (as in some from 2004..) but I edited them up, and I actually like some of them. Check it outttt - but set your expectations low, as things are nowhere near the quality everyone with ridiculously amazing cameras can produce.

I have nothing to do tonight, but I'm going to see Half-Blood Prince tomorrow with my uncle! Well, most likely. From what I've read online: something to do with Ginny and shoelaces is disturbing, Rupert Grint is all sorts of brilliant and DanRad on Felix Felicis is hysterical. I was watching him (DanRad) on Alexa Chung the other day (btw, she is easily the most annoying TV host ever. I hate her interviewing style.. and just because she's Alex Turner's gf does not mean she deserves to be paid any attention to. ) and he seemed really funny and genuine, and taller than he comes out as in the Harry Potter movies.. just incase anyone cared.

If you've noticed, I've given up on using the beautiful semi-colon for now. Too much effort goes into me analyzing and trying to decide where I think one should go.

And on an additionally random note - I just remembered music videos exist, which has led to the past hour being spent watching them. It's kind of funny because all the videos for the Last Shadow Puppets are identical. They're basically: Hey Miles and Alex, please walk around slowly and try to resemble the Beatles as much as possible, now mouth the words to your lyrics with as limited of an expression as possible as you wander through various terrains. It's good.

Well, this has been nice.. and fairly limited in random bitchings. I'll end it here.

Two blogs on the same day, sorry.

But ooooh MSN messenger, just because I no longer have any friends on you does not mean you should just kick me off completely. Heartbreaking.

I'm watching the end of The Departed right now; I'm doing this partially out of love, and partially because everyone else has gone to bed (and it's really the only thing I can do right now). I've been reading every day this entire vacation, and I can't presently bring myself to do much more of it. Part of my readings this vacation is what led for the need to put a semi-colon in the first sentence. I'm not even sure if it's grammatically correct or not, but I'm trying really hard to use punctuation correctly - or at least for the time being. After reading Eats, Shoots & Leaves for English, I have this extreme desire to effectively and masterfully use punctuation, because it's actually an art. The book is hysterical, and even though I don't, at this very moment, remember all the rules... (that is called an ellipsis!) I will when I go back and take notes on it. An act I actually want to do, no joke. This book has actually made me not dread punctuation.

Well, okay, after that oddity, onto mildly more interesting things. Today, I decided a number of things: mini-golf is one the most irritable, painful games a person could play; I love airports; and the fact that lately, I've been forcing myself to believe things just for the sake of having something to believe in.

I think my complete hatred of mini-golfing comes from the simple fact that either you're good at the thing, or your not; there's no in-between (once again throwing out a huge question mark for that). Either you're like me, and try as you might you will always tap the ball too softly and go nowhere near the hole, or simply overshoot out of sheer frustration. OR else you're one of those people who somehow manage to effortlessly sink the ball in the whole, without even giving it a thought. It doesn't help, either, when you're looking out at the other people playing, and watch five-year-olds succeed in doing what you would consider the impossible. Awesome.

Numero dos. I'm not really certain what, necessarily, triggered the thought, but I was just reminded of how much I love airports. Whenever I'm getting ready to take a flight, there's always this nervous sense of anticipation where I'm convinced absolutely anything can happen. I think another life goal for myself will be to, at some point, just pack my things, go to an airport, buy tickets for a random plane, and just... live. The spontantinuity of it all just sounds like a complete dream. Something I couldn't prepare for, something I would be left guessing about, something I couldn't stress about endlessly, I could just do.

And to address the third "realization," there's not especially much to it. I just feel like lately I've been making decisions about certain things only for the sake of feeling normal, and to have set expectations. When realistically, I feel certain ways not through my own personal emotions as much as the need to have those... feelings? It makes much more sense in my head.

I've lost all sense of focus for this. Instead, I will now indulge myself in this ridiculousness of taking Hugh Grant seriously. Night.

I'm actually getting to blog here! Not sure if this is a one time thing or not but it helps me feel much more connected to the rest of the world, even just geting to go on here once.

This is the first time I've ever been to the Cape so it's proving interesting.. we're staying in West Denni, if that means anything to anyone. It' moderately amusing here. We're surrounded by all these nice houses and million dollar boats, and then there's our single story house and barely-a-boat-in-comparison just kind of chillin' out. There's a "teen dance" at the yacht club. My god. My parents keep bringing it up as if it's actually something I would legitimately consider. I don't even go to dances at school, never mind with a bunch of posh, beach-house-owning rich kids. I'm stereotyping.. I know, but I would definitely classify my family as a fish out of water. It's cool though.

There was a massive thunderstorm here last night - and I kept slipping in and out of conciousness because I couldn't really sleep. I kept waking up at random points during Jenny Lewis songs so they all started to blend together until I woke up and my ipod was off to the side, all wrapped up, sitting on the table by my bed. I love doing things subconciously in my half-asleep states, and then waking up surprised by what I managed to do.

I just decided I'm in love with the guy mowing the person's lawn next door. Even despite the fact that I'm pretty sure seeing him was a one time occurence, and I've already forgotten what he looked like.. yeah, so the wedding is next week if anyone is interested.

The place we're staying in is pretty cute though.. just to continue on random-thought tangents here. There are bunnies that just hop around the entire neighborhood area. I tried to take a picture of one, but it sprinted off - and I was left standing in the front yard cursing senselessly. I've been swearing a lot lately for no particular reason. The way my brother and I greet eachother is now through casually flipping eachother off. It's great.

Speaking of my brother.. I need to rant. Okay, so in my mind it's imperative that I must exsist as a superlative. I'm not content until I can consider myself "the best" at something. Within my family it's usually been I am the smarter, school-obsessed one, Peter is the sports one, and Jacob is the third child and to be musical genius.. once he finally commits. But here's the thing, both my parents are now convinced - though they deny it to my face - that Peter is smarter than me. I cannot deal with this. Not being able to exsist as the best at something, even within my own family, makes me think I'll start acting like I do at school. Which, at times, is basically a barely there exsistance and chosing not to be noticed in an attempt for my flaws to also not be noticed.. I don't like the thought of that happening, especially in another major portion of my life.. but I'm worried, it's really been bothering me, and where better to express these concerns then to my blog, right? Right.

Okay, see? It felt better getting that off my chest. All is well. I think I'm going to climb on the roof (which we can do here! well.. not under the permission of my parents, but when no one is looking) and spy on the kid mowing the lawn. Fun.

I feel like I should have a lot to say right now because tomorrow I'm shipping off to The Cape for a week and probably won't be able to blog often, if at all. But unfortunately I have, basically, nothing.

Something moderately funny that happened today was when I was asking my mum what we would be doing down there, so I could try and gauge how many Harry Potter books I should bring with us. She recommended that I bring Prisoner of Azkaban, Goblet of Fire, and Order of the Pheonix. To me, this says something serious about the upcoming week.. I'm concerned.

In midst of my complete state of boredom today I decided to upload all the songs on my ABC playlist. I know I'm shameless, but if you were interested try: this link here

Um.. lately I've been having some pretty sick dreams, and in addition to that I've also decided why I always suspect people about lying when telling their own. There are limited stories out there that we, as individuals, are the only ones that could possibly confirm or deny - dreams being a part of that. Meaning that you can completely fabricate them and no one in the world could really have a clue of whether or not you did, as long as you're a reasonable liar. With a possibility like that, and the simple fact that whenever your re-telling a dream you're almost trying to prove yourself as interesting as possible - what is really stopping the teller from lying? But anyway, thse dreams were just.. unsettling. One kind of involved these series of attacks where people kept trying to kill me, while the other involved me taking a final for a class that required me to shave off my hair. The only reason I bring this up is because I was saying earlier how I hoped to be able to lucid dream this summer.. and I'm doing a pretty shit job at managing to do that. And this isn't especially comforting considering the other goals of mine that I put down here. I could always change them to lifetime goals? Though with lifetime nothing seems final, it seems like there aren't any deadlines.. which makes me even less likely to accomplish them. Kind of funny that I can manage to procrastiate even with things I actually want to do.

It's taken me a while to write this and I'm not entirely sure why. Sometimes I have to hold myself back when writing these, yet other times I'm truly amazed by how little actually happens around here. Oh! My fingers got misaligned and I spelled "around" wrong for a second and spell check suggested "areola" .. not quite.

So I'm kind of in a state of panic at the moment. Something is making noises in my room.. and since I can't attribute this oddity to any known cause, I've logically concluded that there are mice climbing through my walls. And since I've convinced myself of this, I've also decided I should not walk on the floor because if I do rodents will attack me. Yeah.. trust me - hallucinogenic drugs, never again.. (definitely a joke..)

And before I try and re-create the amazing day I had yesterday could I just express how amazing WebMD is? I don't need to pay a doctor.. I can be my own doctor, suckaaaah. No, but seriously, whenever I feel like shit I always end up there - diagnosing myself with every known malady, regardless of how ridiculous it might be. Presently, I've just decided I have tonsil stones. But anyway, what I think I like about it so much is the fact that when you're sick, you're truly the only one who knows what your feeling. And WebMD is one of the few ways you can actually discover the reason as to why you, and you alone, are feeling a certain way. I feel like an advertisement, but I don't know.. it's just comforting, sometimes, when something out there can answer the questions about yourself that you alone could not.

This entire day could be summarized with nothingness. The only significant thing I've been doing is fuming over the last.fm comment I received: "a little rocker! great! high compatibility (:" This message came from a notably sketchy guy from Chile. This could easily be interpreted as a nice thing, but being the analytical, narrow-minded individual that I am, this has been bugging me. "A little rocker" how cutesy. I feel like he would've been pinching my cheeks and speaking in a baby voice if he had approached me and said this in real life.

The most notable things that happened to me lately happened yesterday. Emily came over and we stayed up to the early hours talking. I loved talking, and after I brought up so many of the things that have been bugging me lately I felt more at peace.. more resolved then I have in such a long time. While venting about useless, mindless things I kind of realized what a complete teenager I still am. I build up all these problems, all these issues, in my head and yet am incapable of doing anything about them. It's not that I'm helpless to do anything in regards to them, it's just that I act that way because I'm so convinced of my own thoughts and beliefs I refuse to see any other way. Talking helped me realize this complete childish sense of stubbornness.. but saying that makes it almost sound like a negative thing.. it really wasn't though, I loved every second we were talking.

When we woke up, we biked out to the center of town to gorge ourselves on food. Our journey, however, brought about the realization of how completely out of shape I am, as my legs were jelly by the time we entered the pizza place. Not that I didn't know this already, but it further confirmed my beliefs. However, these jelly legs of my mine may or may not have earned the rights to some construction worker's phone numbers. Yeah, man. I'm pretty sure that was a joke on the part of the pizza guy, but convincing myself of receiving attention like that is just too tempting. While we were there, we texted Joey and ended up having him eat the rest of our food before the three of us headed off to the center of town. You could tell the storm was coming and I wasn't really sure what we were planning to do. Actually, I don't think any of us were planning much of anything in regards to the impending weather - we were all just living in the moment. As the rain began to worsen and it began to thunder, we all decided then was the best time to race down to Joey's house.

It was a thrill. At first we were just sprinting through the grass, but the second Em and I reached our bikes the rain worsened and we all began to make our way down the sidewalk towards what I guess could be considered safety. It was brilliant. The faster I peddaled, the harder the rain struck me, and I don't even necessarily remember what I was thinking or what I was saying. In fact, I don't think I was actually thinking much of anything. I was just living in the world around me, I felt the rain, felt the wind, felt the cold overwhelming my body. I felt the pedals underneath my feet, even felt the smile on my face.. but I wasn't actually thinking anything. I wasn't worried, I wasn't stressed, I was nothing - yet at the same time I was everything.

We stopped at Joey's house only temporarily, and then once again Em and I set off into the rain. The journey back home was mostly downhill and was basically effortless. Once again, I was feeling the warm air hit my cold skin, watching the mud kick up and soak my legs, feeling myself swerve back and forth as I screamed and laughed and rode my bike with no handlebars, no handlebars.. I wasn't thinking I was just being. The entire ride home was like that, the two of us, just existing within an emotion, within a world that wasn't all there. Even as cars drove past, soaking us further, they meant nothing - they were nothing. I was a complete mess and yet I didn't care.. how could I of?

We stopped at the pond midway between our houses and debated skinny dipping in broad daylight just to further live in, and further extend this beyond perfect moment. Because all of it was truly timeless, it was wholly wonderful, it was.. free.

I have a confession to make. If you look at my profile right now it will say I have around 150 page views. This is a complete lie - as about 90-100 of those have been me. See.. something feels so nice when I sit and look at my blogger profile while holding down F5 and watching the numbers climb.

Wow, I should've Post-Secreted this shiznit, I feel completely liberated now. Thank you.

Oh, and I made the mistake of blogging twice within the same day again. The section below was written at around 12:30 this morning..

Hoooooooly shit. ABC playlist is done, bitch! Check it: http://songza.com/reallyrebekah

I've decided right now is the time to listen to all of it as a whole thing whilst I update the world on my life. Yesterday, I watched the Bourne Identity for the first time ever - as I have deemed the summer as the best time to catch up on my lack of movie exposure. Anyway, was it wrong that I really wanted Marie to get killed? I actually wanted her to die as much as I wanted Sophia Coppolla to die in the Godfather III, so we're talking about some passionate hatred here. I'm not necessarily sure why. But I do know that I was left very relieved at the end of the Godfather - this, not as much.

Last night I was bored and not immersing myself in the playlist making mindset and was, instead, skimming through late night TV. Which, might I point out, is always guaranteed to be hilarious. I watched BBC America for a solid hour, and during this time I watched a documentary about the 'pregnancy pact' as well as a brilliant show called How do you Solve a Problem Like Maria? The search for the newest woman to play Maria in a recreation of The Sound of Music. But those aren't even important in comparison to Dance your Ass Off. It basically combines the genius behind Dancing with the Stars, but replaces the "Stars" with The Biggest Loser Contestants. Then, to even further the disgusting state of this show, they put them in hooker costumes and have them dance around in front of everyone. Truly remarkable. I think it's on Oxygen if anyone's interested..

While I was out in the living room watching this garbage I love so deeply, my youngest brother, Jacob, came out. He sleep walks. It's always a little scary at first, because you can tell he isn't all here. Sometimes he'll mutter things about having to hide from the people shooting him, or that he's looking for something, and it's at that point where you have to say something like "Oh yeah.. go hide in your bed, Jake, they won't find you there. I promise." And he always goes back to bed, but it's always such a surreal expereince. Usually he doesn't remember when or why he does things, but it's eerie and not really as funny as I could make such a situation out in my mind to be.

I'm so awake. This is a problem. I think I can contribute part of it to my newest bad habit: eating lemonade powder. Strange, I know. On a dare I ate a few spoonfuls of it and I've been weirdly addicted to it ever since. If I'm hungry I go to the closet for a spoonful of lemonade powder, if I'm thirsty I pour a bunch of powder in my mouth and then take a swig from the sink. This is probably an issue.. seeing as that stuff if almost completely sugar. Though I guess I can clearly attribute the cause of my sugar rush to something.

I really wish I had something interesting to say other than these useless stories.. but I have nothing.

The ABC playlist has been narrowed down to 228 songs, which is actually much better than I expected. Though I should mention the choices for X, Q, and Z are kind of.. forced, but all and all I'm actually fairly happy with all of it.

Very little has happened lately. I feel kind of cut off from the rest of the world, but I'm not necessarily doing anything to change that so I can't complain.

Today my dad, brothers, and I went out "boating." Which, in fact, mostly consists of the entire Spanish-speaking population of Worcester shooting around on jet skis, laughing at us "gringos" as we putt around in the water on this old school boat my dad brought back from the dead. Oh! So if you happened to drive by the Worcester YMCA today and looked out at the lake - you may have seen me. I was the one sleeping.

My sleeping schedule has been off lately.. even for the summer. I can't sleep when I want to, and end up feeling completely effete (intelligent word of the blog) at the most inconvenient times. I feel like an insomniac.

I've re-read this three times now, and nearly all lexical choices are pretty much failing on me at this point. I'm gone.

I'm still here...

For the first time ever, I'm including a title in this. I don't think it's something I'm going to do again.

Today has been pretty strange so far. I had the house to myself almost all day, since Mum shipped off to work and Dad took the boys out "boating". I sat outside and tried to tan for two hours, listening to my iPod and reading Harry Potter. I was kind of at a point of semi-consciousness where I was mentally stable enough to read the words on the pages in front of me and acknowledge the music drilling in my ears, but not actually able to take too much of it in. If I had to characterize an "out of body experience" it would probably be something like how I was feeling then. It was.. unsettling, and the sense of discomfort was what, I guess, drove me to heedlessly jump into the pool with all my clothes on.

The whole thing was pretty refreshing.. just kind of sinking to the bottom without thinking. In my head, the music that was playing was what I had been listening to moments before, which was Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois - Sufjan Stevens. Everything was peaceful, and still, and when I emerged back at the surface I kind of felt like I had managed to disrupt this sense of stillness and steadiness, and I couldn't help but wish I hadn't come back up. That sounds morbid, and kind of dodgy.. but if you were in my state of mind at the time.. well, it would have all made sense.

After that.. episode, I went back in the house and started working on my ABC playlist. Which, I've decided, is completely impossible. It basically consists of one song starting with each letter of the alphabet. I've narrowed A and B to about ten songs each, and I'm finding it hopeless trying to decide which of the remain 25 songs I have to get rid of for C. I though C was going to be an easy one too.. but nope. So that's what I'll probably end up doing for the rest of the day. Sheer musical solitude.

Also, I hate writing multiple entries on the same day because this stupid layout is a complete failure at showing the difference between them. So below this was written at one this morning. Cool.

So today I went to the drive-ins with my family. We've been seeing a lot of movies lately.. and I think it's because it's the one thing we can do that counts as "family time" but limits our actual interaction with one another to the point where it is nearly impossible for anything to go completely wrong. The only thing that sucked was that due to shitty screen location, I had to watch Transformers, again, instead of watching The Hangover like I had planned. Surprisingly, Transformers was just as sub-par as I remembered: far too long, a bit too nerdy, and overwhelmed with Megan Fox and her always constant facial expression for emotions like fear or joy. This face loosely resembling her sucking a dick.

But I guess it was an all around good time. I was re-introduced to the definition of "white trash" and I started thinking about the 4th of July, which - I guess - is officially today, actually. For the first time in as long as I can remember we are doing ABSOLUTELY nothing this fourth of July. Which is fine with me, really, because I've kind of started to realize that holidays.. they're not about absorbing yourself in the company of others as much as they are about eating. Every major and even minor holiday is really only celebrated by eating. As if we, as a society, can really be like - you really deserve this opportunity to eat more of the food that you would've felt guilty about eating had it been any other day.

I guess that was my food-rant.. and on a completely unrelated note: I finally blew out my iPod headphones today! I'm almost reveling in this fact, though I'm not entirely sure why. It might have to do with the fact that these headphones are about six years old, and have wires hanging out absolutely everywhere. I'm actually surprised they didn't die sooner. But now I'm faced with a life altering decision of whether I spring for the expensive, yet quality Bose headphones.. or should I just buy more of the basic iPod ones..? A troubling question I'm sure will keep anyone reading this up late into the night. And on the note of staying up late into the night thinking about incorporeal (smart word of the blog - ha! ) things.. I'm off.

At about two thirty this morning I was having problems sleeping, and apparently decided to write down a bunch of things I thought would be interesting to blog about. Most of these genius topics are illegible, but I can make out a few things.. like the two additional summer-or-lifetime goals for myself. Number one is to stay up all night one night, and to watch the sunset and sunrise. I've never actually stayed up all night. I've tried so many times but usually end up crashing at about four in the morning, due to sheer exhaustion as well as a loss of things to think/talk about. Though.. I can't really imagine running out of things to say lately - too many thoughts. My number two goal is.. well, kind of personal, which is why I'm partially publicizing it (yeah, the thought process is slightly flawed). Basically this.. thing.. that's been bothering me for the past two months now.. yeah, I need to get over it. I broke a promise to myself yesterday and sent a stupid, miserable, piteous (my official "intelligent" word of the blog) text, that I can only express extreme regret about now. I hate those things, they're so permanent.. watching the pixel image of a letter disappear into the animated envelope is basically watching your fate slip out of your own hands .. and this makes me feel completely helpless.


I also wrote down the question "Do you ever do things solely for the sake of making a memory?" Well, I know I do. There are certain things I'll say sometimes just because they sound straight out of a movie. Because in my mind movies are almost recreations of an ideal world, so by saying these things I too become perfect like they are. Though I don't always do things like that for my own personal benefit.. cue stupid story here. My brother hates corn, and seeing as the meals this family consumes are on a constant rotation of maybe four different meals, corn is frequently a primary feature. Anyways, every once in awhile there will come to be this time where he's not allowed to leave the table until he's finished eating. And every single time this happens I go over to the table, scoop up all his corn, and stealthily throw it out for him. Why? It's not even necessarily because I take pity on him as much as it is, that when he's older I want him to be able to reminisce about how I was as a sister, and the things like that, that I did for him. Kind of weird, I know.

Another question I wrote down was "why can't we recollect pain?" I mean, close your eyes and try to imagine your happiest memory, or your saddest. Doing so almost re-invokes similar emotions within you, maybe not heightened to the extent that they were at that specific point in your life, but still.. recreated. Is it simply because these are emotional feelings as opposed to physical that we are able to remember them? You can remember how you were feeling emotionally in regards to the actual pain, but never the pain itself. Our emotional mind extends well beyond the physical, which is funny.. because the physical part almost always seems to be the part that matters most.. I think I was thinking about the book The Giver at the point where Jonas was re-living a memory that allowed him to experience pain within a society that had never truly experienced such a thing. And well.. I don't know, it seemed logical when my mind was at end.

Yesterday was actually a really amazing time. My friend and I went driving all around the area for a solid two hours. If we didn't know where I road led, we drove down it. It was hysterical, and equally frightening, as our vision was almost completely cut off by the massive blanket of fog, that smothered the entire town. We didn't even necessarily say much that was memorable, rather, the most memorable part laughing without even having a reason to.

I was thinking about songs for the moment last night too, and couldn't decide between Despair in the Departure Lounge and Old Yellow Bricks by the Arctic Monkeys. They seem relevant now.

My god. So I continued with kind of a Simon Pegg movie night, and watched Hot Fuzz (shh.. http://www.megavideo.com/?v=KAQ4YG0Q ). Anyway, I wasn't entirely sure to think.. other than the fact I'm pretty sure I loved it.

Things are so repetitive here. If I was to actually make a drinking game out of my life everything would just turn to shit because whoever was playing would be catastrophically drunk in, at the latest, the first five minutes. Like this argument happening in my livingroom right now - every time my dad uses the word "fuck" for no reason whatsoever, as if it is actually furthering his point, one could take a shot. Pathetic.

I've finally decided that this weather is completely exhausting. I can't go outside, I can't "soak up the sun" or whatever else Sheryl Crowe advises. This is gloomy.. and as much as I like thunderstorms, even they aren't nearly as exciting as they once were, back during a time when they weren't occurring every day..

Today I watched Shaun of the Dead and realized how completely bipolar I am (by the way, I did a project on bipolar disorder for health class three weeks ago.. so I'm basically an expert). Lately, emotion-wise has been an interesting time for me.. things have been kind of dulled, and I'm not really sure.. But ANYWAY I was watching this movie, and the entire purpose of it is to make you laugh. I mean, the plot is ridiculous. Basically all of England has turned into slow-motion zombies and Shaun and his friend are going off to save his girl friend and mother, and all these ludicrous things happen.. and I can't even explain! (try: http://www.megavideo.com/?v=QP33Z85C) So there gets to be this part, where the main character is crying.. spoilers! .. because he has to shoot his mum in the head because she's about to become a zombie. And in my head I was actually debating crying. Now this is impressive, let me tell you, because I've not considered being emotional like this in a while. Not while watching sad movies, listening to sad songs, suffering moments of extreme vulnerability, not during arguments, nothing. And yet this movie - this hysterical, ridiculous movie was making me consider it. Strange. I wish I could understand myself, I really do. Hmm..

Well.. on a lighter note: Happy Canada Day. I know everyone has been out celebrating in the street this monumental event.. because I know I have.