?

I'm back. Sort of. Things have changed.

Well, not as much as I would've liked them to. I was planning on coming back to blogging a new person. Yeah, I know, talk about realism. Instead I've returned two weeks later, very much the same.. just slightly more self-aware? At least hopefully more so, since these past two weeks in the classroom have been consumed with more personal thought than actual learning. Which is a surprise, considering how beloved parent-forced business camp and drivers ed sound like they should be.

Lately I can only fall asleep listening to music, and I really enjoy it that way since I have far too much new stuff to listen to, and there's really never enough time in the day. It's kind of funny what happens. I immerse myself in the covers, even if it's ninety degrees in my room, under the belief that any exposed limb could very well not be there in the morning. As if the blanket was some kind of shield, separating me from the imaginary force that is going to cut me clean as I sleep. I'm five years old. But anyway, listening to the music allows me to concentrate on one thing and one thing only, as I feel the rest of myself shut down and turn off, and right before I fall asleep my hearing fades as if the music isn't playing anymore - although I know it's there - and I exist in emptiness until my mind slows completely and I disappear. It's comforting, and at times I find myself wishing I could disappear in a similar way, even in full-consciousness, though I reckon the music does even let me partially do that. Whenever I'm feeling an extreme emotion, be it happiness, sadness, frustration, rejection, anything.. music makes it all better. Sort of.

Summing up life happenings for me lately? Dad's work's camp was - uh - interesting, to say the least. Granted, there was actually some really helpful information in it, it was still.. well.. long. I did have Heather and temporary friends there, though, which improved the situation. A LOT. Not to mention in our group presentations to a few managers or something at the company, I was totally praised for my graphic designs and explanation for something. Which was quality and earned me a fifteen dollar itunes giftcard. Hah, wasn't entirely sure what to do with that.. but most the funds went to software upgrade for my ipod touch. The ability for landscape typing and to search for stuff wouldn't have been worth my own $10.

Then we went to Salem for the weekend to drop my brothers off at soccer camp. There, I was 10 minutes away from an awkward confrontation. I kept imagining something would happen, though, of course it didn't. I tend to believe more on chance, despite knowing that it truly means nothing. Deep inside I know that then, and even this upcoming week nothing will happen. It's done. 1 year, I guess, wasted. But still. This idiotic, childish, helpless, completely naive side of me still lives on. I kind of hope the impending disappointment will just kill it.

I think Driver's Ed this past week was the longest one I've had in a while. I liked seeing Lara again, and was reminded of fifth grade when she was basically my best friend. We didn't really connect until the last day at lunch, as we rewarded ourselves with two massive pieces of the rotating chocolate cake, but that ended as soon as other people sat down with us.. I think I can attribute part of the class's length to the beloved Bob Robertson, who really needs to just sit back and retire - seriously. The other part goes to the people. The people who are caught up, convinced of their own superiority over everyone, and their right to criticize everything they don't agree with. Not that I did anything to stop them.. I'm not that strong of a human being. All I can do is facelessly complain about their attitude in the unreal-internet-world, and think that's sufficient enough.

On a disconnected, music-related note again (hah, note.. funny). Humbug by the Arctic Monkeys leaked this weekend and I'm obsessed. Cornerstone, Secret Door, Crying Lightning, Dangerous Animals.. too good. Hah, just sharing that review for everyone. Five stars, easy. A lot of people have a problem with it being a lot different than their other stuff, more QOTSA influenced - and though I do see the difference, it's not necessarily bad.. change is fine. Change, a sense of being static.. it's necessary. I, especially, think I need it.

As of right now, I want to think change will be a greater part of my life. Rather than just sitting on my ass complaining about how much next week is going to suck balls (which it is.. mentally at the very least) I'm going to try and do something about it. Or atleast live throughout it instead of just existing. Part of that includes doing the 30 day Shred. It's this ridiculous 30 minute workout that basically kicks your ass, but it sounds like it gives extraordinary results and change, and that's exactly what I want.. Something extraordinary.

Wow. I guess I had a bit to say. I did miss this doing this, pouring my soul and what not, I just couldn't stand it. And on a last note that finishes off everything I can possibly think of writing right now, I'm just going to state the fact that Russel Brand and Noel Fielding are the funniest people on earth.

That's all.