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It's harder than you think, being a ghost. And no, not the type that haunt your dreams or whatever, I mean being forgettable, treading so delicately throughout life so as to leave as close to no impression as possible. Being so caught up in nothingness that when something actually does happen it controls and practically destructs your entire pathetic world. I'm not even pinpointing any certain situations here, if you were wondering, just.. musing.

Whenever my mom gets frustrated with me, she always brings up the fact that I was so outgoing when I was younger, and ultimately trails off to ask 'what happened?' She asks what she or my dad could have possibly done to cause such a change in my behavior. Hah. It's not them or anyone else, just me. Just too preoccupied in the consequences of my every little pathetic action that I decide nothing can only conclusively be the best possible behavior. Which, of course, is ludicrous, I get it.

After downloading an entire gig of music yesterday, I ended up not completely falling in love with anything new but instead listening to "Good Times Gonna Come" by Aqualung on infinite repeat. How 2005. When the song pulls into him saying "This is just one of those... lonely nights" the effect is so beautifully chilling, it's surreal. Absolutely perfect.

Nearly 175 days left of school and I can't wait. I'm not sure which point I'm at on my grief/school scale but if there's an option that says it's literally painful to comprehend the concept of school, than I'm that one. But I think high school has always had this point at the beginning.. I can't wait for acceptance.