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I've been physically willing something exciting to happen to me so I can blog about it.. and I'm still waiting.

Lately I've been in a tremendously bad mood. And not even so much in the emo, piece-of-shit sense, but more or less outright cruel. I think it's my way of preoccupying myself from severe levels of boredom because I do it a lot. Like right now I'm being a severe asshole. Seriously, any time I attempt to talk to someone I end up giving smarmy remarks and just continually tooling on people just for the sake of it. And the thing is, I could stop acting so ridiculously in an instant.. and I can do that with a lot of feelings too. Like whenever I'm crying really hard, or laughing really crazily I can simply stop any emotion in an instant, no matter how overwhelmed I may have seemed before. The whole thing really makes me feel in control, and like nothing on the outside can effect me because I can change my reaction to it no problem and come off completely untouched. And it's just like I'm acting all the time because I'm in total personal control, but at the same time I'm not, and can let everything else guide how I'm feeling until I suddenly become internally conscious against everything that was building up before, and was getting bigger and bigger and becoming even more and more real and growing and continuing and moving until it just STOPS.